"The Roads of Life... Surviving To Live In Your Future By Learning From The Wrecks of Your Past"
The inability to learn from past experiences and move forward is a mind set that will keep you forever stifled, trapped by fear and uncertainty, a prisoner to your own insecurities, as the outside world and all it's opportunities pass you by. Regardless of the abuse you have suffered at the hands of someone you trusted, or any number of other tragic events that has left your life in a state of disillusion, torment, and udder chaos, it is now in the past. I am not implying that it is easy to get past the disappointment and frustration of a grossly unpleasant childhood, or deplorable circumstances that were beyond your control. I am just saying, I believe, that the hardships in life, which cause you the most pain and suffering, can serve as a defensive tool for making you a stronger wiser individual.
We all have discouraging set backs, and seemingly immovable obstacles in our lives at one time or another.... some much more devastating than others. Few people are spared the upsets that go along with traveling down this road we call life. It is no easy task learning to maneuver the turns and curves, stay clear of the ditches and avoiding the pot holes, while keeping a weary eye on others that are tail gating or trying to pass you in a no passing zone.
There are good times of clear sailing, but going over the legal speed limit may bring about some misfortune, and relying on faulty gauges or not calibrating the correct amount of fuel for the distance you want to go, will usually leave you stranded at the side of the road. At other times the going can be tough, trying to manage in pouring rain, so thick you can't see the road, or being sent into a tail spin by a slippery patch of black ice. You are often slowed down by giant hills that require shifting to a lower gear, lines of backed up traffic, and road construction detours that can take you miles out of your way. You can be going along, minding your own business, always obeying all the lights, signs and traffic laws,
just enjoying the scenery and "BAM!" in the blink of an eye, your life is transformed to a total wreck.
I do not offer this advice without having survived a few of "life's wrecks" myself. I was lucky in childhood.... loving parents and a good home life. I was married at seventeen years old, and thus began what was to lead to the first major wreck in my life. Black eyes, busted lips, sore ribs, and complete mental humiliation at the hands of an overly jealous and controlling man that I once loved with all my heart and soul, and thought hung the moon in the sky just for me. Finding the courage to finally leave, after three years of being a mindless slave and punching bag was a major accomplishment for me in my young inexperienced life. I have to admit, after that, for a while, I did harbor a few unsavory thoughts about men and marriage. Trying to put it all behind me, mind, body, and soul took some time, and effort on my part.
At twenty-two, I married again. My second husband was a gentle, caring and very hard working man. We were married for eighteen years, when a wicked twist of fate and unfortunate chain of events led to wreck number two of my life. With both of our careers in high gear, the long hours we spent working did little to nurture our relationship. I was devastated to find out my husband and my very best friend, a girl much like a sister to me, were having an affair. Mustering up another shot of courage, and becoming a divorcee for the second time was a little bit of a hardship for me, considering the timing was not at all harmonious with the fact I had just turned forty years old.
Recovery took some time, and I felt old in my soul. My perspective on life had changed considerably, was my glass now half full or half empty? Did I need to just change lanes, or get off at the nearest exit and look at the map again? I wandered the back roads for several years, taking a break from the fast lane. I emerged with renewed strength, and a little more wisdom in decision making to continue my journey.
Wreck number three was a near fatal collision, rocking my world almost off its axis, and sending me spiraling into emotional turmoil. My son, my only child was killed in an automobile crash. He was only twenty-five. Consumed by grief, and a sense of inconsolable loss, I floundered hopelessly. I was forty-six years old, twice divorced, and now childless. All my past trials and tribulations loomed up on me all at once. My failed marriages, loosing my only sibling in an accident twelve years prior, burying both my parents, after watching helplessly as they literally grieved themselves to death, and all the while, juggling a horrendous work schedule around all the other bumps and detours along the road ways.
Being a Registered Nurse, I constantly dealt with the carnage left from the wrecks of other people's lives. For patient's and family members I was the healer, the therapist, a hand to hold for the dying, a shoulder to cry on for the living, and the unwavering voice of life and hope. Years of caring for the ill, injured and elderly, has been an eye opener for me in regard to how much a person's past can control, or have an effect on their life. Some people survive astronomical odds and gear into over drive, doing great things in spite of crippling hardships brought about by past "wrecks" in their life. Others are held high center by a mere speed bump, and millions of us are riding somewhere in the middle lane, making an effort to move forward at a comfortable speed, looking for the right exit, and ever watchful of the rear view mirror. Some people never take the wheel again, and constantly need a ride to get them where they are going, or they just ride along, going whereever, with whom ever, not knowing, and sometimes not caring where they might end up.
My past has affected my life, but it does not control it. I still believe in love and happily ever after, but do not rely on it to make me whole. I miss my family, but cherish their memories. I have a part of my son with me in the form of his two beautiful daughters, and revel in watching them grow into happy, healthy young women. I have discovered my talent for writing and work at it diligently to enhance and perfect my techniques for producing good, interesting and colorful stories that can be read and enjoyed long after I am gone. I spend more time on my knees talking to God in prayer, and less time worrying about what will happen in my future, and what has happened to me in the past. Self pity and depression are not conducive to recovery from the "wrecks" in your life. You cannot live in fear, or be consumed by hatred and anger. The past is where we were, the future is where we are going, and the present is the time to make our decisions based on what we want out of life, not what the past has taken out of our life.
